“Married” is universally understood

Twelve years ago, on our first date, Eric and I spoke in length about the importance of our individual spiritual walk, and our wish to eventually have children. Four years later, while in Venice Italy walking side by side underneath an umbrella, Eric stopped to kneel and propose. Three years later (seven years to the day we met) we officially tied the knot in my hometown of Syracuse N.Y. in front of hundreds of cheering friends and family members.

One day while making lunch I felt a small pain in my lower back. Assuming it twisted the wrong way I ignored it. However the pain became increasingly unbearable. I called Eric (who immediately left a meeting) and came home. When Eric walked in and found me pale-white and on the verge of tears he swiftly assisted me to the car and rushed to the nearest emergency room. When we arrived at the hospital I was in the most indescribable pain, and in tears. I could not talk, walk or think. The medical personnel had many questions and asked Eric his relation to me. “My spouse” he uttered as they rushed me into a room and quickly attached an I.V. Although I have a pretty high threshold for pain, it was so intolerable all I could do was scream. All the while Eric stood at my bedside calmly speaking and responding to questions from nurses, doctors and billers.

Countless hours, and many tests later, I was discharged home with powerful pain medication where I would eventually pass my kidney stone. Though my physical pain eventually decreased my emotional pain for the gay community increased. While in the hospital Eric didn’t have to explain that he was my civil-unioned domestic partner lover (or any other grossly misunderstood and watered down term and the countless confusing state laws that vary with them). He simply said, “We are married.” The word “married” is universally understood. I am grateful to live in a state where all citizens are treated equally. My heart bleeds for the many across the U.S. that are not.

When I reflect back on our first date I am almost amazed at what has come to fruition. Here we are with one child and one on the way, happily married and living a very Christ-centered life in a state that respects everyone equally. While enjoying the blessed life that I live I vow to never stop fighting for all of my brother’s and sister’s rights to marry the love of their lives, regardless of where they happen to live.

Commitment

Today I celebrate my 11th anniversary. I have been with the same wonderful person for four thousand and fifteen days – and counting. The majority of these days have been filled with pure enjoyment. On many occasions I have found myself on the verge of tears asking God why He blessed me so abundantly.  Other days, however, have been incredibly challenging. On these days, where love and bliss feels distant, I hold on to my commitment.

We live in a microwave society. Everything we want from fast-food to research is at our finger-tips and attainable in minutes. Marriage, however, is very much the opposite. Like anything of worth and value, marriage takes hard work, time, effort, and a conscious decision to recommit; day after day, year after year.

I’m never too surprised when I hear new lovers say, “I’ve never felt this way before” or “this person makes me feel alive.” What usually follows a short time after, unfortunately, is “they just didn’t make me feel special anymore” or “I wasn’t happy with her/him.”  While I would never advocate staying in a loveless or emotionless relationship what I do know however is that we far too easily give up on relationships, and our commitment to stay in love.

Yes, love is an emotion, a feeling of butterflies and rainbows at times.  Much more than that though love is a verb.  Love takes work, a lot of hard work.  A large part of that work is making the decision to commit and recommit daily.  Recommit your vows, recommit your dedication, and recommit your decision to support your spouse, encourage and forgive your spouse, elevate your spouse and continually find ways that keep your marriage alive.  When this is the focus, happiness overflows.

An anniversary is a medal.  A marital medal is a souvenir born from the most difficult task there is; to lay your life down for another – for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.  And that takes commitment.

Celebrating Ten Years of Love, Loyalty, Happiness and Joy

Marriage, to me, is similar to mountain climbing.  You start with fortitude, perseverance and joyful energy.  Every step is full of passion, every climb accompanied with pleasure.   You are committed to the long haul and determined to reach the top.  Every foot further from the ground brings a sensation of tremendous achievement.

All at once however, fatigue sets in.  You begin to feel hungry, scared – and at times – even doubtful.  While fighting fatigue it is then your feet start to ache all while dodging falling debris.  You begin to feel as if taking one more step is simply impossible.  At times quitting crosses your mind but your love for climbing keeps your spirit going.

Before you know it, you reach the mountains summit and realize all of your hard work, courage, love and prayer has paid off.   It is then you gaze out at the most scenic, breath-taking and beautiful landscape far beyond your wildest imagination and get a glimpse of how the angels in heaven must feel.  Happy ten years, Eric.  I would not want to climb this mountain with any other!

Three years ago today, when we legalized and celebrated our seven year relationship with friends and family, we had the most beautiful wedding and party.  So much has happened since then.  If you were there you remember the perfect day it was.  If you were not there feel free to get a glimpse of that day.  http://www.mywedding.com/ericjason/